January felt like the longest month of my life. It was a time of deep uncertainty, and I knew I needed my ancestors’ guidance more than ever. My anxiety had reached unbearable heights, leaving me feeling disconnected from spirit—as if I were floating without direction. Something inside me was stirring, beyond my control, and I knew I couldn’t navigate it alone. It was time to seek help.

In the past, I had turned to plant medicines like Ayahuasca and San Pedro, and they had always provided the insight I needed. But this time, I sensed that no sacred brew could quiet the storm raging in my mind. So, reluctantly, I looked to Western medicine for answers.

It came as no real surprise when I was diagnosed as neurodivergent. Deep down, I had always known. I had spent my life feeling different, never quite fitting into the world the way others seemed to. Finally having a name for it gave me clarity, but with that clarity came a new challenge. My doctor recommended medication to ease the lifelong weight of my anxiety—the constant tension that had shaped my existence for as long as I could remember.

At first, I resisted. I feared that medication would dull my connection to spirit, cutting me off from the ancestors and guides who had always been my compass. So I waited, asking them for guidance. But in the weeks that followed, I felt more disconnected than ever—adrift in a fog of anxiety, forgetfulness, and mental exhaustion. I couldn’t meditate, couldn’t focus, couldn’t feel them. And in that emptiness, I realized I had nothing left to lose.

So, with a mixture of fear and hope, I took the medication. That night, something extraordinary happened. A spirit visited me in my dreams—a newborn child. Though fear held me back from learning too much, I made sure they felt love, acknowledging their presence. I worried that this vision might be a premonition of loss, but when I woke, I understood something even deeper: I hadn’t been abandoned. My abilities weren’t fading. If anything, they were growing stronger.

Since starting the medication, my dreams and meditations have been rich with guidance, clarity, and visits from spirits longing to be seen. I had been so afraid that medication would sever my connection to the unseen, but instead, it quieted the fear and anxiety that had been clouding my intuition. In their absence, spirit had room to return.

And for that, I am grateful.