My relationship with my mother was a tumultuous one, a turbulent ride that started as far back as I can remember. Only recently did I come to terms with the fact that I was raised by a narcissistic and emotionally immature parent. For years, my life revolved around trying to earn her love, but it always felt just out of reach. I was tasked with more responsibilities than a child should bear, caring for my younger siblings and managing the household while my mother worked her night shifts, all while facing constant criticism and belittlement.

Reflecting on my childhood, I realize there are huge gaps in my memory, a testament to the fact that I didn’t have much of a childhood at all. I learned to block out the hurtful messages early on, using food as my only solace. The more negativity I faced, the more I sought comfort in eating.

Despite the emotional abuse, I always held love for my mother in my heart. I admired her strength as a single mother providing for us financially. However, there was a profound emotional absence—no hugs, no “I love yous,” leaving me to wonder what kind of love doesn’t show such basic emotional cues.

After my spiritual awakening, I began to understand that love is perceived and expressed differently by each individual. I realized that my mother was giving me all she was capable of, but I deserved more. Although I had forgiven both my mother and father for their shortcomings, I knew my purpose in this life was much greater.

In my final Ayahuasca ceremony, I had profound conversations with my deceased father and Ayahuasca herself. I realized that I had summoned another spirit, engaging in a deep conversation about forgiveness with my father. Ayahuasca urged me to continue my spiritual journey but to stop seeking external medicines, as everything I needed was within me.

Ayahuasca also spoke to me about healing generational trauma within the women in my family, particularly my mother. Despite thinking I had forgiven her, Ayahuasca revealed that my forgiveness was ego-driven. She tasked me with a seemingly impossible assignment—to hug my mother and tell her I forgave her, to break the curse that had plagued our lineage.

The moment I landed in New Jersey, I knew I had to act. I drove straight to my mother’s house, determined to fulfill this assignment before I could talk myself out of it. During the drive, my mind replayed the negative messages from the past, but my heart pushed me forward.

I hadn’t seen or heard from my mother in over six years. As she approached, she looked fragile and empty. This woman, once a source of fear and control, stood before me like a vulnerable child. Her first words, “Don’t worry, I’m not going to say anything,” gave me the courage to hug her and genuinely forgive her. In that moment, I FELT true forgiveness.

Spirit spoke loudly to me, saying, “You fulfilled your purpose; you can leave now.” The entire encounter lasted less than five minutes but felt like a lifetime. My mother somehow understood my assignment and didn’t resist. We haven’t spoken since, but I know deep down she loves me, and she knows I love her. However, in that moment, we both understood that our assignment as mother and daughter had come to an end.