Integration following such a profound experience is crucial as it upheaves your perception of the world, your trauma, and your own being. The journey back to reality after my time at Rythmia wasn’t a straightforward path. It felt like navigating through a dense fog of emotions and revelations. It took weeks, even months, to untangle the layers of insight and truly internalize the healing lessons that Ayahuasca had unveiled to me.

In that period, I found myself on an emotional rollercoaster, grappling with memories of past traumas and facing aspects of myself I had long buried. It was like peeling back the layers of my psyche, exposing wounds that needed attention and care. Yet, with each revelation came a sense of liberation, a shedding of old beliefs and behaviors that no longer served me.

Forgiveness emerged as a central theme in my integration journey. I had to learn to forgive myself for past mistakes and the pain I had inflicted, while also forgiving others for their wrongdoings against me. It was a challenging process, demanding humility and compassion, but ultimately, it liberated me from the resentment and bitterness that had burdened me for so long.

As I delved deeper into the integration process, I began to recognize the toxic patterns and self-destructive tendencies that had ensnared me for years. It was a sobering realization, yet also a moment of clarity and empowerment. Armed with this newfound awareness, I embarked on a journey of self-discovery and self-love, determined to break free from the cycle of self-sabotage and negativity.

Despite the progress I had made, doubts lingered in the recesses of my mind. I couldn’t help but compare my journey to those of others, pondering if I had missed something or could have approached things differently. The post-ayahuasca ego is a tricky bitch, incessantly whispering doubts and insecurities.

Seeking community and support, I gravitated towards like-minded individuals exploring psychedelics and healing. That’s when I stumbled upon TAP (The Ancestor Project), a supportive community of BIPOC individuals delving into the transformative potential of psychedelics. Discovering this space where I could openly share my experiences and receive validation and support from others who had walked a similar path was truly revelatory.

Attending psychedelic conferences further broadened my horizons and deepened my understanding of plant medicine and its healing capacities. Listening to people share their tales of profound healing and transformation inspired me with their courage and resilience in the face of adversity. It was through these gatherings that I began to contemplate the possibility of working with Psilocybin mushrooms as a tool for personal growth and healing.

In these circles, I found not just knowledge and inspiration, but also a sense of belonging and connection I had long yearned for. It served as a reminder that I wasn’t alone on this journey, that there were others out there who understood and supported me. And as I continued navigating the twists and turns of my healing journey, I realized I was exactly where I needed to be.

I was admittedly naïve in these new spiritual realms, where I viewed everything through the lens of love, light, and healing. Eager to dive into self-discovery and healing, I overlooked the darker aspects of these communities.

Later, I was disillusioned to discover that TAP wasn’t as safe as I had presumed. Shockingly, one of the facilitators was exploiting women during ceremonies and embezzling money from the organization. While my own experiences with TAP didn’t turn sour, it was a tough lesson realizing that not everyone had good intentions. Vulnerable spaces often attract the worst kind of individuals who seek to take advantage.

I soon realized that while many sought healing and connection, there were also those who viewed vulnerability as an opportunity for exploitation. It was a harsh reality check, shattering my idealized view of yet another spiritual community. It was a painful lesson, but it taught me to approach these spaces with a discerning eye and a healthy dose of skepticism.

Through these lessons, I leaned more on my own self-discoveries and the whispers of spirit rather than relying solely on those who claimed to possess greater knowledge due to their studies in plant medicine. It was then that I began my own journey with Psilocybin mushrooms.