Entering Rutgers University felt like stepping into a dream realized. My ex-boyfriend introduced me to a financial aid advisor who helped me navigate the application process. But there was a crucial hurdle: convincing my mother to complete her part of the application for financial aid. Frankly, I doubted she’d cooperate. At one point, my ex even floated the idea of marriage to gain emancipation, but we quickly learned it wouldn’t affect financial aid. Looking back, I’m grateful we didn’t pursue that avenue—it would’ve been a disastrous mistake.

Summoning every ounce of courage, I returned to my mother’s house after three years of estrangement. Our last encounter ended with her kicking me out, and we hadn’t spoken since. Yet, I knew securing her cooperation was essential to seizing this opportunity. Predictably, she seized the chance to unleash her pent-up anger and resentment. Mocking my aspirations, she sneered, “You’re not smart enough.” For a while, I let her words erode my confidence, especially during my challenging first year of college, where I felt utterly unprepared. But I refused to surrender to self-doubt; instead, I heeded the faint whisper of spirit nudging me to continue.

Moving into the dorms on my first day felt surreal. Unlike my peers, who were fresh out of high school and bubbling with excitement for the college experience, I was there out of necessity, seeking shelter. Even amidst the bustling campus life, I felt like an outsider—the girl with no home, no family support, working three jobs to make ends meet.

But the universe had a way of placing the right people in my path at the right time. During a holiday break, I confided in my RA, a rare act of vulnerability for me. In a twist of fate, that conversation led to a job offer that covered my room and board for the duration of my time at Rutgers.

It was within the walls of Rutgers that I first delved into astral projection. What began as a lighthearted exploration with my now-best friend of 20+ years, attempting to ward off negative energies, soon evolved into a deeper journey. With no prior experience or understanding, I followed an inexplicable inner pull. During solo sessions, I’d transcend my physical form, seeking relief from my burdens.

However, one particular experience shook me to the core. Drifting outside my body, I observed myself with a detached sense of unease. The weight of my struggles bore down on me, prompting doubts about my place in the world. Abruptly, I was jolted back into my physical body, paralyzing me with fear. Yet, amidst the panic, a soothing voice from spirit urged me to surrender to the moment. Gradually, I regained control, but the encounter left me shaken, causing me to shy away from astral projection for years to come.